Thursday, 6 October 2011

Loosing my way

Loosing my way.

I thought that Jesus had given up on me.  Had turned his back on me, when in fact it was me who had done that to him.

Let me explain what has been going on.  At the beginning of the year I stated a new job and I loved it the money coming in I was able to get ahead and catch up on bills, I was able to start saving money and everything was going along perfect.  So I prayed my thanks to Jesus and I prayed that everything stay the same.  I got greedy and started to build up treasures on earth like money started to replace things that were perfectly fine with new things like a kettle that was noisy with a quieter kettle even though the old was fine I wanted a new one.  I started to stray away from gods path and things started to go wrong.

Things started to go wrong and fall apart in a big way.  I was fired from my job, my car blew the water pump cost me $780, my desk top computer needs repair, was told I need an MRI scan of my back cost $200 and little things.

When I look back on the last couple of months as to when things started to go wrong and I can tell you this it is when I turned my back on Jesus.  What was it that I did was break 3 of the most highly commands of god. 
1 thy shall not steal:  I stole for personal gain. Something that I am very ashamed about and why am I telling this it is because it had to do with being greedy.  The devil was telling me that it was ok to do it, it was a little thing but to the lord even though it was little to him it was a major thing.  
2 thy shall not lie:  I brought my self a diamond ring for my birthday and I decided to wear it on my left hand it was a commitment ring for me to me, like a purity ring, I had brought myself but what I did was lie about it.  I was hassled by this man when I was out and I told him NO to start with but he just kept going so in the end I told him I was engaged told to be nice be polite but it was a lie and no matter how you look at it the story behind the lie how you justify the lie it was a lie.
3 thy shall not take thy lords name in vain:  this is the hard one Jesus said spread the word in those month I never spoke praise about him talked about him never spread the word.  Never correct anybody who spoke badly about Jesus just let it happen and to me that is taking the lord in vain.  When I turned my back on the lord things started to go wrong in a very big way.

We all do things that doses not please the lord but for me breaking those 3 commands and reliesing what I had done when I had done it was a turning point.  I have asked for forgiveness every day when I pray.  I ask for the lord to show me a new path as the old was closed and I believe that he is showing me everyday the new way to be. 

When I was not with the lord in those months I felt alone, cold, sad, frightened and like darkness had come over me.  I was making all the wrong decisions and didn’t know it.  I was talking to a friend on the phone and I was complaing about what was going wrong and having a self-pity party all of a sodden I heard this voice and not of my friends it was Jesus and when I listened and he told me in a matter of seconds what I had done wrong. When I told my friend what had happened she was astounded I hung up and I went and prayed and had a very long conversation with Jesus and as I was talking to him and asking for forgiveness for the things that I had done, I had this felling of his presence come back over me it was like a warmth, calmness and he told me that he had a plan for me and in coming months he was going to show me so until then I will pray everyday for his forgiveness and I praise him.

Paslm 130 3:4
If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgivness, therefore you are feared.

Paslm 86 5:7
You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you.  Hear my prayer, O Lord, listen to my cry for mercy.  In the day of my trouble i will call to you, for you will answer me.


  1. Hi Fiona, you don't have to pray for forgiveness every day..because He has heard you and forgiven you the first time you asked Him to. I am sorry to hear that you have been through such a hard time but know that you will now experience the grace God has for you and hope you will accept His love and forgiveness and forgive yourself for making mistakes. We all make mistakes. I have your book still. If you want a cuppa me. Hugz Carol xox

  2. Merry Christmas Fiona! I'm off on holiday til the end of January..hopefully we can catch up then.

  3. Saya dari indonesia.. salam kenal yah.. semoga sukses.:)